Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
