Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
