This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
