Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
