He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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