just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
