My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
