there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
