we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
