I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
