her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
