tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
