My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
