none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
