If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
