Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
