That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
