I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
