I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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