Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
