Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
