i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
