And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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