God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I CAN MOONWALK!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it's like iHOP with fire
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
