Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
