hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
