I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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