I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
