he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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