The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
