do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
