so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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