Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
