Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
