I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
