Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
