Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
