bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
