Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
