They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
