My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
