East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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