even my farts smell like vagina
Even the bartender felt bad for me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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