I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
