i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just gift wrapped bread.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
