rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
