yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
