remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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