Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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