I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
