I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
