So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
