If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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