I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
