i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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