yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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