I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
