First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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