We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
